the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
