i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
