If you die in college, do you die in real life?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
