I puked a lego.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I lost the right to judge tonight
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
