Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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