She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Duck Duck Cougar?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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