we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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