I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
