My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
