wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
