We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
