dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The uberlube is also flammable
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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