I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
