I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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