Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
