He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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