i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
time to smoke my breakfast
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
