i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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