I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You have to summon your inner elephant
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
