God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
