Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
