who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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