apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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