I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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