these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
