Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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