Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
