hotel room ftw
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
