he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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