You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
did you just send me my own nude
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
