Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
