In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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