When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
