Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
