I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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