Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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