I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
