These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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