"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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