everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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