is wine microwaveable?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
