I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
