he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
