If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize