Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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