Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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