i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
