how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
