I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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