Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
